You Don’t Need a Man?

happy couple

There’s a super popular mantra right now.  I guess it’s been popular for years, maybe decades.

You don’t need a man.

The mantra is sometimes accompanied by the following addendums:

Girl, you got your own money!

Girl, you’re as smart as any man, probably smarter!

Girl, you need to be out there killin’ it for YOU!

Girl, you didn’t get all that education to spend your life serving a grown man!

WARNING:  I’m going to share my opinion accompanied by my personal experience.  I’m just throwing that warning out in case any of y’all want to jump ship on this blog.  It won’t hurt my feelings at all.  I will still love you forever and ever.  Now is your time to grab a life jacket and jump over the side.  If you choose to remain on ship, please be open.  Be kind.

In my humble opinion we’ve been sold a bill of goods when it comes to modern romance and marriage.  The marriage bond has been painted so dreadfully with muted shades of tan.  Two highly independent people.  Two completely independent lives.  Separate bank accounts.  Separate dreams and goals.  Separate time schedules. Just kinda hangin’ out in the same house occasionally…

And we wonder why young people aren’t interested in marriage?  It doesn’t surprise me at all that they’re not buying  it.  We’ve made it out to be so bland and horribly ordinary.  I’m so sorry.  So very sorry.  

Young women, I have a confession.  I need Philip.  Desperately.  He needs me too.  Desperately.   It’s been true for 32 years. 

I choose to need him every single day.  And in that choosing to need him, he feels highly respected.   He chooses to need me every single day.   And in his choosing to need me, I feel incredibly loved.  And it’s not that we couldn’t make it on our own…

It’s that we wouldn’t want to.  Not even for one day.  Independence is so overrated, friend.  Especially now.  Especially in our current culture that is so afraid of getting stepped on…that they miss the extraordinary  joys of serving someone.

I wouldn’t want to get up in the morning and not make the coffee.  He wouldn’t want to get up in the morning  and not pour my coffee and bring it to me in my chair.  Yes.  He could learn to make coffee.  Yes.  I could pour it myself.  Yes.  He could probably pack his own lunch.  Yes.  I could read the Bible passage alone.  Yes.  He could pray without me praying with him.  I guess he could even learn that that green shirt does not match those brown pants.  And I could probably load my speaking props into my own car.  But you know what?  It’s a lot more fun to do those things FOR each other.  (And who am I kidding?  He will never understand why that shirt doesn’t match those pants.  Bless him.)

It would be unfair and biased if I didn’t acknowledge the relational hurt behind some of the hyper-independence being touted in our current culture.  I see you, friend.  I do.  I get it.  You served.  You opened up your life to another, only to get slapped in the face (literally or figuratively).  Or maybe you watched relationships done so poorly growing up.  So you made a vow.  A vow to yourself.  You wouldn’t be so naive.  You’d protect yourself at all cost.  Can I challenge you, friend?    I challenge you to believe that maybe God has something better for you than self-protection.

This is not a blog trying to make singleness less than marriage.  Singleness is not less.  This blog is just a reminder, especially for those already married, that it’s perfectly healthy to live a life of service.  And it’s okay to need someone.  In fact, it’s beautiful.

Questions and/or complaints can be lodged in the comments section.  (I’m not skeeeeered.  Okay.  Maybe I’m a little skeeered).happy couple






2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Renee Shackelford
    Aug 18, 2020 @ 09:21:57

    Today is our 47th anniversary and I need this man more today than I did 47 years ago!! Being married to him is the best!! You are absolutely right! I do t want to be independent from him!!


  2. 41 years together and counting
    Aug 18, 2020 @ 20:22:47

    “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone” – Gen 2:18. People just don’t listen.


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