Normal people realize that some household cleaning “jobs” shouldn’t be jobs at all. They are completely unnecessary. Need examples? Fine. Ceiling fans don’t need to be dusted. I don’t plan to dust one ceiling fan in 2013. I also didn’t dust one in 2012, 2011, 2010 and so on. There. I said it. I mean, wrote it.
I also will not be cleaning out the oven in 2013. I cook. I bake. But I do not entertain guests inside my oven. No one says, “We ate dinner at the Smartts’ house. The lasagna was delicious. The table was set beautifully. But I have a feeling there were hardened baked beans on the oven rack.” No. No one says that. If they do say that, they are not normal. Unless a mammal has crawled into your oven and died a gruesome death, you do not need to clean out the oven. The toxic fumes of oven cleaner are toxic for a reason. God is trying to tell us to stop cleaning ovens.
I will not be cleaning out my bedroom closet. I’ve decided I don’t want to know. I would rather read a book or call a friend or make a big lasagna. I used to think I needed to know everything that was on the floor of my bedroom closet. But I opened the door to that closet and now I want some things to remain a mystery forever.
I will not be cleaning windows this year. When we bought our house nine years ago, the previous owner said proudly, “Let me show you how these windows can be easily cleaned.” I must not have taken good notes. But I don’t feel stressed because even though window cleaning is not easy, it’s also not necessary. We can see the deer in the front yard. We can watch the fox travel through the side yard. And we see all of that and more out of our rarely cleaned windows. Amazing.
I will not be raking leaves this year. I did not rake leaves last year. I will not be raking leaves in 2013. I know. I know. For some of you, this admission is the hardest pill to swallow. Find it in your heart to forgive me. We live on 16 acres of wooded paradise. To attempt to rake leaves at our house is to shake our fists in the face of God. We happily steer clear of such folly.
We will not be pressure washing or painting or re-finishing anything either. Personally, I think the word “re-finishing” is kind of unintelligent. If something was finished once, shouldn’t we just leave it alone? Let it be happy in its finished state. Don’t try to make it get finished all over again.
If you are an industrious Type A person, I salute you for dusting ceiling fans and cleaning baseboards and even re-finishing your grandma’s china cabinet. Just don’t expect me to join your happy band. I only have so much finishing ability inside me. And that ability had to be spent finishing this column. I’m done now. Whew! I feel like I cleaned all the windows in the house. But of course, I wouldn’t know what that feels like.
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