Weird Christmas Stuff

weird Christmas stuff

I admit it. I’m a traditionalist. I like to celebrate Christmas the way we celebrated it last year. I like to celebrate Christmas the way we celebrated it ten years ago. Yes, I even like Christmas the way it was in 1973 when I got an Easy-Bake Oven and a Barbie camper.

Let’s start with the food. Unless I live on an island in the South Pacific, I don’t want to eat coconut shrimp for Christmas dinner. I love coconut shrimp. Everyone loves coconut shrimp, but coconut shrimp cannot take the place of ham or turkey. This information is in the traditional Christmas rule book in a chapter entitled, “You Should Just Know Better.”

Let’s take rye bread, for instance. I like rye bread just fine if it’s a Thursday in February and I’m eating a Reuben sandwich. But Christmas dinner requires rolls. Hot, white, carb-laden rolls. Yes, I know. I know that white rolls are not “nutrient dense.” Let me fill you in on something, friend. People who talk about nutrition at Christmas dinner will find coal in their stockings. How’s that for density?

Let’s talk holiday home décor. Again, why are we messing with stuff that doesn’t need to be messed with? Everyone needs to take a page from my parents’ Christmas decorating guide. When our family celebrates Christmas with my folks, I have the full assurance of how things will be. There will be a red rickety little sled on the fireplace mantle. I think my parents acquired that sled when John F. Kennedy was president.

My dad will have picked out a “less than ideal” live tree from a tree lot because he felt sorry for the tree with the crooked base or the big bare spot. He and my mom will decorate the tree with the decorations given to them during 56 years of marriage. There’ll be all those little apple ornaments from their years in teaching. The homemade ornaments collected down through the years will be placed on the tree with great care. And when the ornaments are all on, they’ll say in unison, “It’s the prettiest tree we’ve ever had.”

If I walked into my parents’ home to find a 10 ft. artificial tree flocked in expensive fake snow and covered in new matching shiny balls, I would feel grave disappointment. At that point, they might as well just serve lobster bisque for Christmas dinner with whole wheat pita bread and hummus.

I’ve written about this subject before, but it’s worth repeating. Red and green are the Christmas colors, people. They have always been the Christmas colors. They shall remain the Christmas colors. Pink, lavender, and salmon are not Christmas colors…nor shall they ever be. Refer to the traditional Christmas rule book under the chapter entitled, “Frosty the Snowman Should Never Wear Bermuda Shorts.”

I realize that some of you love to experiment with your Christmas celebrations. You love to change things up, introduce new foods, and decorate in new ways. I can appreciate that as long as you know why we celebrate Christmas. God sent His son to a fallen world to bring hope and redemption. So whether you eat turkey and dressing or caviar on crackers, join in the song of the ages. The Messiah has come.
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