Exercise Confessions

I exercised for a few months. I quit exercising for a few months. I exercised again for a few months. I quit exercising again for a few months. I’m wildly enthusiastic about exercise. I’m wildly apathetic about exercise. Well, I guess apathy by its very nature is not wild. It’s lazy. I would try to explain why I behave this way regarding something as important as exercise, but there’s no logical explanation.

It reminds me of a conversation I had with a friend recently. She said, “When I walk three miles a day I feel fantastic. It’s life changing, Lisa. Really.”

I replied, “I didn’t know you walked three miles a day. That’s wonderful!”

“Oh, I don’t. I used to though…and trust me, it was fantastic.”

I get that. When I eat a salad and three pieces of fruit every day I feel better. Much better. But today I ate a waffle, tortilla chips, taco salad with sour cream, and cheese tortillas. Yeah. Go figure. When I drink lots of water every day, I experience more energy and a boost in mood. Today I drank coffee and sweet tea most of the day. In a few minutes I may even bust out for some bedtime hot cocoa with marshmallows. Thank goodness there are no Oreos or Fig Newtons in the house.

There are apples on the dining room table but everyone knows that hot cocoa and Gala apples don’t mix. Exercise and hot cocoa don’t mix either. When’s the last time a friend invited you to come over for hot cocoa and aerobics? Yeah. Not gonna happen. The only post-cocoa event that is remotely acceptable is reading a good book or watching a movie (and the movie doesn’t even have to be that good as long as you’ve got plenty of hot cocoa).

Exercise-catSpeaking of apples, here’s a bit of fruit trivia I’ve been pondering. Why are human beings rarely tempted to eat too much fruit? When’s the last time a friend said, “I ate way too much last night. I shouldn’t have had that second bowl of fruit salad. The mangos and fresh strawberries did me in.” I don’t think I’ve ever had a problem with excessive fruit eating. There’s just something about a bowl of fruit that speaks moderation into the human heart. There’s just something about a plate of brownies that speaks from a different direction.

The sad truth of the matter is that certain things in my life tend to go together, for better or worse. When I exercise, I drink water. When I drink water, I eat apples. When I eat apples, I make the bed every day. When I make the bed every day, I read good books at night. When I read good books at night, I feel better.

When I don’t exercise, I drink sweet tea. When I drink sweet tea, I eat tortilla chips. When I eat tortilla chips, I don’t make the bed. When I don’t make the bed, I watch poorly-written chick flicks at night, throw my dirty clothes on the floor, and fall asleep in my recliner.

The moral to the story is clear. If you don’t want to throw your dirty clothes on the floor, join me in my renewed attempt at exercising. If you like falling asleep in your recliner, make a pan of brownies.